For some of my present followers who had watched my IG Stories, I posted about removing followers and privatizing my account.
There are a couple of reason that I came to this conclusion. I don’t know if my brain works in a chronological way but here goes.
Firstly, I overthink simple stuff.
Allow me to illustrate. When my account was publicly opened, there are some followers that I have no idea who they are. This kind of annoys me. My brain starts to have this pattern:
Okay, who are you?
Why are you following my account?
What if these people just want to butt into my life?
But then again, maybe they just want to see other people’s life on the other side of the world?
Will they talk shit about me? I mean, I know I cannot stop people from talking shit about things but I don’t know you and you want to talk shit?
Wait, wait, wait. Go back to the beginning. Maybe they just want to follow so they can get more followers? If like that, fine by me. It’s not like I will follow you.
Yes, I overthink simple stuff.
Some of you may ask, “Why not just private your account? Then you don’t have to think so much.” My sister said this to me. I wished I was brave enough to do so years ago.
Why didn’t I do that? Maybe I want people to think that I am being ‘nice’ for showing them (the followers, whoever they are, etc) my life, sharing good things, recommend cool stuff, fangirl about anime and so forth. I want ‘them’ to be happy in case they are feeling sad. I want my friends (or ‘friends’) to know that I am doing alright. Back then, I didn’t overthink about what people would say about certain things. It’s also a way of saying “Welcome to my Life! See what I had posted so these are what I am into at the moment. I hope it brings you cheer!”
Secondly, at the same token, exposing my Life publicly also meant self-insecurities for me. I had a period of time where I put so many hashtags at 1 post just to feel validated with the number of likes. With the number of followers I had, I was naïve to think that all of them would like my pictures too. I won’t feel happy if I didn’t get at least 10% out of the number of followers I had in liking my picture I has posted. You could well say that some of my pictures were only there just for the likes. I think I can tell which pictures when I scroll down my feed.
Thirdly, maybe it has to do with maturity and now, I couldn’t care less if I am the only one liking my own post. I put fewer hashtags or sometimes, none at all. Instead, I care who followed my account, be it from friends, fans of certain fandom that I am into, IG sellers, etc. because I –actually- care who these followers are. I became selective.
I had been too ‘free’ that I started to be a realist (or pessimist). I start to think about Life in general, who I am, who my friends are, etc. When all of these thinking lead to nowhere, deep down, I know that performing an action is the way to silence those uncertainties, albeit how scary is it. Little did I know that removing followers when your account is Private makes it easier to do so because that follower wouldn’t know that they had been removed unless they remembered they followed your account decide to view or stalk your profile.
And so in a span of an hour, when I removed followers, one by one and I felt at ease.
At ease knowing that most of my followers now are people I had met in real life and they appear to be nice people.
At ease, because I don’t allow unknown people ‘entering’ my life. I am selective as to who get to see ‘me’ (or me).
At ease, as I know, I am being me and I don’t need to feel validated by the number of followers or likes anymore.
Speaking of going private, this blog is public so people who did not follow me can still read whatever I had posted. How does this not bother me? That’s because in WordPress, you can choose to have your blog posts locked and only those who have the password get to read your post. Also, anything I posted in this blog is for the General Public or Readers. Meaning, I can share reviews or general thoughts about something so that people without social media accounts can read about it. I haven’t had any locked post as of this writing. I don’t know if I will because anything that is for me to keep is only for me and I won’t share to any soul.
I would like to think that this is just the first step I take to detoxify my ‘digital life’. I want to be able to identify the reasons why I did this or that. I want to be able to say, “I post whatever I want because I am being me. People may still judge me for who I am but whatever, life is too short to spend my energy on them.”
With that all said, I might one day delete all my social media profiles or further limit the number of ‘friends’ or ‘followers’. I won’t be surprised if I did this at all because my overthinking take the best of me or I am even wiser to choose who enters my life.